Any helpful advice/perspective? I can't find a therapist who doesn't strike me as kind of dumb...?

Bundle all these worries. Keep them in abeyance for a few months. In the meantime, please learn some techniques for physical self-discipline, mental control, and social orderliness. If possible, try to join Yoga classes where they teach lot of physical exercises along with mental exercises to keep your body and mind strong, trim and fit.